This is more a pouring out of my thoughts, prayers, and what little bit of discernment i have meagerly collaborated in my short existence, than it is a clear and concise answer to those questions. But i feel convicted I have a message for many of you out there. I would assume there our two distinct audiences that will read this blog and interpret the question of desire very differently. I believe I have a word for both of you. I have wondered on many occasions if i will ever truly reach that plateau where my desires will be met, and to be honest many answers to my questions still lie on the horizon. However, this i know without a tinge of doubt- light will eventually penetrate darkness. What may be in the dark now, will soon be brought to light. For every question that may arise and cast doubt on my journey, i rest in the hope that one day they will not loom large as unanswered uncertainty, but as revealed knowledge.
In regards to the question that looms largest in my life, I simply have not had the answers I have been seeking. I say seeking, but if i were to be honest, I would have to admit my lack of seeking. I have desires I would like to see realized, but have not had that angst to see them accomplished. Until now. I, like many of you reading this, no doubt have desires of you heart, dreams of childhood fancy, or maybe even fantasies of every need being met-clearly the most pressing, nonetheless; I want to address the first i mentioned: the desires of our heart. Let me be transparent in my intentions here. I want to have a clear definition of what I am talking about, one which being unified upon, we can move forward in one mind. When I say the desire of our heart, I do not mean a want. I do not mean a, "it would be nice if...". I mean a desire that you would walk until your feet blistered, a desire that drives you to say things you would normally say, do things you never thought you would do, a desire that is hardwired into your being. A desire that is so razor sharp it pierces through your subconscious; as you begrudgingly find yourself drifting back from the place, that perfect place, where your mind has allowed that desire to manifest itself into a reality within the constraints of your conscious. That is the desire of your heart i mean-one born out of fidelity and justice, not deceit and perversion. Ones of merit, honor, justice and goodwill. Not selfish ambition or vain conceit.
If i can, I want to be be completely vulnerable. In doing so, hopefully i will be an answer to my own questions, and hopefully yours as well. If you are like me, and are have those burning questions, then the logical follow up question is, "How do i have those desires met"? That...I have struggled with for many years now. At first, with my type A personality, I barge out KNOWING i can and will accomplish my desires. Then the real world smacked me in the mouth. Knocked me down a few notches. You know what I am talking about. I realized I was not able to reach some of my lofty desires on my own strength or merit. Even now reading over this, I do not feel adequate to be attempting to answer this question for you. I came to a point we all must come to. A point of brokenness. Emptiness. Loneliness. Humiliation. Devastation. Exhaustion. I came to the end of myself. I realized my desires, while unbeknown to me, were not of God. Remember this, store this away- Above all else, man's heart is deceitful. I had blindly lead myself astray with desires that were not of any importance. Yes, I did say of no importance. No significance what so ever. This message is for half of you reading this. Stop and reflect if your desires align with Gods. No really. Stop reading and reflect. Does your deepest, most viable desires have any eternal implications at all? If not, I am pretty confident that they do not align. Just a thought.
Now, to the other half of my audience. Those who, like me, feel your desires are of God. Good news, the most likely are if you are walking in genuine relation with Him. Bad news- how much are you willing to suffer, lose, persevere, wait on, and endure? Because if God places a desire in your heart, He no doubt wants that accomplished, but He won't accomplish it. Only we can. It's our task. But it is not an easy one. We have to molded, sculpted, pruned, and refined before we can be made perfect for His use. How long are you willing to wait to see that desire accomplished? Is His glory really all that matters? Is that desire more about giving you significance and renown than it is about glorifying your father in Heaven? These are all questions I have, and continue to test myself with.
So you are most likely saying, get to the point guy. "How do I get the desires of my heart????".
Sounds simple enough. I ran across Psalm 37:4 tonight and it resonated with me more than ever. God's word is truly amazing that it ministers to us differently at separate points in our lives. It simply says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your Heart". Simple enough right. Not so fast. You must ask yourself some tough questions once again. Do you truly delight in God? In telling people about Him? Living for Him? Serving Him? Obeying His laws? (delighting in His law is a tell tell sign). Worshiping Him? I'm finished. I'm at the end of my wisdom. All I can ask is that you pray and ask God that He will allow you to delight and Him and it will make all the difference. You want to know a something? The more and more you pray that, the more and more your desires will become His and it will all align, and you will lead a more joy filled life and according to a God who cannot lie- you will have the desires of your heart. You see the heart of the matter, is a heart issue. Your heart must be in step with the Lords. Your desires become His desires. You must have a heart, that is not far apart.
In Christ,
Kyle
